What Feminie Leadership is Not!

I have struggled with the lable of leader most of my life. It’s a label I have considered a criticism. To me, leadership meant choosing to be out in front all the time, being aggressive, competitive, masculine, strategic, forcefu, not belonging to the rest of the group. Worst of all, standing out.

If all went well, the leader and her followers were credited for doing a great job. If things fell apart, the failure fell to the leader. Leaders believed in themselves. Women as leaders were expected to be mean, bitchy, manipulative, narcissistic, ruthless, fearless, loved being in charge and were always sure of themselves. Right?  

For the last thirty years women have used a masculine model of leadership. They were expected to be aggressive, strategic, and forceful. I never wanted to be that kind of a leader. How could I be a leader, I bite my nails! The masculine style wasn't true to my nature. It felt awful trying to be something I wasn't in order to advance my career.

Going from Reluctant to Irresistable Leadership

Byron Katie, Martha Beck and Daniel Goleman, all experts in emotional intelligence and the paralyzing effects of self limiting thoughts, propose that leadership develops as the individual’s attunement to themselves and others grows and matures. Authentic leaders are self-directed, following their hearts as they focus on their True North.

Self leadership must come before leading others. For a naturally anxious person the thought of being a role model or providing direction to anyone, is overridden by their fears, self criticism and doubt.  In moments where I have taken on leadership, I've had to ask myself, "Could I truly trust myself and believe; “Am I enough, as I am, right now, in this time and place?”

It has taken me awhile to see that, when I am my authentic, calm, focused self, I am the leader I was born to be with none of negative traits that I’ve attached to the title.

I’ve always had what I’ve needed. When I access my Primal-Connection and draw on the power of all the love, experience and wisdom I have gained up to now, I feel, what Carol Pearson calls,“the size of my soul.” I face the challenges of leadership trusting who I am, not the old stories and thoughts from the past.  I can't lead and move forward if I keep dragging all of my old pain around with me.  My old pain and authenticity can't live together. Daily, I choose one over the other.

Authentic leadership, Primal-Connected leadership,  manifests itself in me when I trust Love and let It grow bigger than all my imagined fears. I let love and trust take over and lead my life. I take gentle encouraging steps, inviting something greater than my resistance to move me forward, guiding me to my authentic, powerful, leader self.